When I look back through the journals I kept as a college student, I find a few reoccurring themes…I’m thankful for school…I’m frustrated with the girls on my hall in my dorm…I wish my campus really knew Christ…I wish I knew what to do with the guy from my church back home or the guy that works in the dining hall with me…and the list goes on and on. But the one statement I find over and over again in my journal from college is “I have learned something new today…”
My college years were a time of learning like I have never experienced before. I learned the difference between dirt and soil in my geology class, someone’s hierarchy of needs in psychology, and how to transcribe just about any language on earth in my phonetics classes. I learned how to balance a checkbook, and then get my miniscule paychecks directly deposited into my checking account so I could find the greatest sales online (then I got packages in my mailbox!). I learned how to write an 8 page paper in a matter of a few hours. And I learned how to fill my calendar with meaningful and meaningless activities. But I think the greatest thing I learned in college- despite all the other priceless lessons- was how to depend on God.
I learned how to depend on God to get me through the next 90 minute class, to walk with me through the upcoming week full of exams, papers, presentations, work schedules, gossiping friends, and invitations to wild weekend parties. My days as a college student were packed with classes, work, Chi Alpha events, meals in the dining hall, favorite TV shows, random road trips, and an occasional couple of hours of homework- and God got me through it all.
The summer before I began college, God showed me that I wasn’t going to school to simply earn a degree- I was going there to be a missionary for four years- my degree was only an added bonus. I was handed the opportunity to live in the same building- side by side- with other women that were dealing with life issues and needed God. The quiet high-schooler that only wanted to be invisible began to burn with a fire inside that could not be quenched. I wanted to let other people know who this God I loved truly was. I felt like an undercover agent with a secret weapon nobody expected me to have.
I never imagined that I would learn so much about this God I thought I knew. I learned that he loved each student on my campus and wanted them to know him. I learned that he hurt when his kids hurt and that he offered healing to those that needed it. And I learned that no matter how much it seemed that I had my life together, I still needed to depend on God for everything. I needed renewal each day (2 Corinthians 4:16) so that I could face the hardships of being a Christian on a secular university campus.
Thankfully, Chi Alpha was there for me. My campus pastors encouraged and taught me how to truly be an ambassador for Christ just as written in 2 Corinthians 5:20, “We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors…”.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
The Cold Shoulder
Today, the term “cold shoulder” has been redefined for me…
You know you’ve become a mom when you’re ok wearing a t-shirt that’s been used as a snot rag and you’re not squirming your way out of it as soon as possible!
My little girl has had a runny nose today and now the left shoulder of my t-shirt is all gross. It gets even more disgusting…I grabbed a t-shirt out of my closet to lounge in the other evening. I threw it on and walked passed the mirror in my bedroom and noticed I had received the “cold shoulder” the last time I wore that shirt too. My only conclusion as to why it was not already in the laundry is because I was too tired to remember I had been used as a tissue that day as well! The joys of being a mom. ( I can’t believe this makes me smile!)
But you know, the more I think about this whole “cold shoulder” thing, the more I realize that God allows us to give him the “cold shoulder” too. Yes, we all give God the original definition of the “cold shoulder”. But have you ever felt so close to Jesus that you’ve made the shoulder of his t-shirt all gross and snotty? I’ve had hard days that ended with moments with God that were so real I am sure I left his shoulder pretty messy. Times that draw us so near to God that we are able to give him the snotty cold shoulder are tough, but what better place to find yourself than in the arms of Christ. He just lets you cry really hard when you need to.
You know you’ve become a mom when you’re ok wearing a t-shirt that’s been used as a snot rag and you’re not squirming your way out of it as soon as possible!
My little girl has had a runny nose today and now the left shoulder of my t-shirt is all gross. It gets even more disgusting…I grabbed a t-shirt out of my closet to lounge in the other evening. I threw it on and walked passed the mirror in my bedroom and noticed I had received the “cold shoulder” the last time I wore that shirt too. My only conclusion as to why it was not already in the laundry is because I was too tired to remember I had been used as a tissue that day as well! The joys of being a mom. ( I can’t believe this makes me smile!)
But you know, the more I think about this whole “cold shoulder” thing, the more I realize that God allows us to give him the “cold shoulder” too. Yes, we all give God the original definition of the “cold shoulder”. But have you ever felt so close to Jesus that you’ve made the shoulder of his t-shirt all gross and snotty? I’ve had hard days that ended with moments with God that were so real I am sure I left his shoulder pretty messy. Times that draw us so near to God that we are able to give him the snotty cold shoulder are tough, but what better place to find yourself than in the arms of Christ. He just lets you cry really hard when you need to.
An old journal entry
April 28, 2008
I know that life sure has gotten complicated even in it’s simplicity of diapers, meals, laundry, and dishes. I am neither settled nor restless. I am neither content with where I am nor longing for something different. My only emotional constant is that there isn’t a constant. Each day is something new and different. I find that I am mostly very happy with my daily routines and are very scattered if a change is thrown into the mix. However, I had weeks or days like I’ve had in the last month or so when nothing feels right. I want so badly to be a good wife and mom, but it feels like so much is hindering my success. Then I kick myself as I realize that my success isn’t dependant on great meals, folded laundry or squeaky clean kids. My success rate isn’t even dependant on perfectly clear communication with my husband. My success rate is only reliant on my heart- which seems is the most difficult thing to keep in check. If my heart is right, then my motives are right. And if my motives are right, then no matter the outcome of the day, all will end ok. I can't give up. I can't allow myself that way out because it isn’t an option. I can just lean down and dig my heels in deeper than I had been and let God do the rest. I can work to be more patient. I can work to not express complaints. I can find places to relieve tensions and stress, finding new solutions to old problems.
I still remain amazed that God continues to use us knowing our failures and weaknesses.
I know that life sure has gotten complicated even in it’s simplicity of diapers, meals, laundry, and dishes. I am neither settled nor restless. I am neither content with where I am nor longing for something different. My only emotional constant is that there isn’t a constant. Each day is something new and different. I find that I am mostly very happy with my daily routines and are very scattered if a change is thrown into the mix. However, I had weeks or days like I’ve had in the last month or so when nothing feels right. I want so badly to be a good wife and mom, but it feels like so much is hindering my success. Then I kick myself as I realize that my success isn’t dependant on great meals, folded laundry or squeaky clean kids. My success rate isn’t even dependant on perfectly clear communication with my husband. My success rate is only reliant on my heart- which seems is the most difficult thing to keep in check. If my heart is right, then my motives are right. And if my motives are right, then no matter the outcome of the day, all will end ok. I can't give up. I can't allow myself that way out because it isn’t an option. I can just lean down and dig my heels in deeper than I had been and let God do the rest. I can work to be more patient. I can work to not express complaints. I can find places to relieve tensions and stress, finding new solutions to old problems.
I still remain amazed that God continues to use us knowing our failures and weaknesses.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
A new blog
Taking the first step on a new path is sometimes pretty scary, but here goes! I am jumping into this whole world of blogging a bit later than most, only because I'm forcing myself to. I have felt safe that my journals have been locked away in a password protected file. But now, finally, I am brave enough to write for the whole world to see. Here, perhaps, you will soon find random thoughts, goals, dreams, and prayers that have been rattling around in my head. Let's hope it's cool!
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